if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
