two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
