called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
