I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
