i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
