i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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