I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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