But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
