You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
