Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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