Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
