We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
