I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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