You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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