I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
