Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
