I feel great
I just peed on a car
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
