...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
