I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
