I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
