ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
