fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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