The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
