Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
