i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
