You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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