We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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