He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
