So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
