I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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