I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
