i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
