dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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