he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
