I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
