Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
