Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Of course I have a pirate flag
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
