I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
