First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
