So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
do herpes really smell.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
