everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
