considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
