oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
