proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
