U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
