so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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