so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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