This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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