So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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