Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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