Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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