next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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